Why are men more hesitant to settle down than women

“Why are men more hesitant to settle down than women?”

That was a question I received from a friend recently. This in all likelihood will be a very lengthy topic of conversation, as it should be. We live in a time where it is believed that chivalry is dead, and millennials this and millennials that. Yes times have changed, but we have to remember men are human beings. Of course those who are reading this are probably saying “Duh, we know this.” But let’s dive into the definition of a human being:

hu·man be·ing

noun

a man, woman, or child of the species Homo sapiens, distinguished from other animals by superior mental development, power of articulate speech, and upright stance.

The key to what makes us different beings, species, or whatever you want to call us is our mental development. Our ability to walk, run, talk, hear, and feel first starts in our head, our brain. Our mental capability allows us to learn through the things we experience. The answer for this question varies, so “some” men are more hesitant because we learned to be, we were inadvertently taught to be hesitant. That may not make sense to you but let me explain because we all have experienced or witnessed that lesson being taught to us men. Think about it, have you ever been in a room with a little boy and his mother/father/brother etc. asked him, “How many girlfriends do you have?”. Of course he might have said one, but some say two or five. We also have had that male cousin/friend who seems to always change girlfriends every couple of weeks and we laugh about it like it’s no big deal, even though the girl who was just dumped may be distraught. Throughout that particular man’s life, he may have heard what I and many others have as well, “Don't get no little girlfriend”, “Go have fun and mingle", "do not get tied down", "you are too young”. We’ve all heard someone tell a young man that, and we all most likely agree with what was said. Now let’s be honest, a majority of young women are not taught the same.

With our young ladies we preach, "Being careful". We don't allow them to date until they are 16-18, and stress the seriousness of being in a relationship. Oh! let’s not forget the aunt who always asks “When are you going to get married?” ”You better do it now before it is too late”. There is a lot of pressure placed on women to settled down, get married, and have kids. Especially before turning 30.This just goes to show there is huge double standard in regards to relationships between males and females.

With that being said, not all males were brought up this way. A man’s readiness to commit is no doubt correlated with his upbringing, in my opinion. I was speaking with a friend one day about her ex. She shared with me that her ex’s parents had been together since he was born and still are going strong. They are probably the ideal family to most, but she couldn’t figure out why he didn’t want to fully commit to a relationship. She goes on to tell me her parents were never married, nor are they in committed relationships at this time. I did not say anything to her at the time, (I just listened as a good friend should) but it’s our nature to want things we have not had before. She never experienced being apart of a relationship the same as he did. Now of course you may say kids are not being influenced by their parents’ relationship but they are. They live in the same house, eat the same food, and breathe the same air. When the parents are happy, the kids are happy. When the parents fight and argue, the kids are upset as well. From the day he was born until the day my friend and her ex met, he witnessed what it is like to be committed to someone and lived it as well. The thing he has not experienced; is being single.

Of course she didn’t have those experiences, therefore she desired them greatly and he of course did not want that at all. There is nothing wrong with that. I know many will say “Well he shouldn’t have gotten involved with me if he felt that way” or call him immature. The idea is companionship. It is in our nature and we can’t help that. Just because he may see the good in being in a relationship does not mean he will jump at any chance he gets. If you give a child chocolate milk every day for every meal, eventually that child will get tired of chocolate milk and will not drink it for a long time. I know because I was one of those kids and it has been two decades since I’ve had chocolate milk. Things take time, and it goes both ways. There are women who are hesitant to settle down too. The reason could be abuse they've experienced at a young age or previous relationship, (which is unfortunate and I feel deeply for those women and young ladies) another reason could be they are relentlessly searching for the idea of a perfect man. Everybody's story is different. I have a few friends that are ready to settle down right now, and some aren’t anywhere close to being there. So when you are conversing with someone, take in consideration the life experiences he/she may have had. Take the time to learn them, everything about them, and never assume. If you do that in the beginning everything else will fall into place. 

Feel free to express your thoughts!

Mr. P